Truth About: Hooking Up

Second in a series featuring the Sometimes Obvious Truth^TM



I was thinking about it this morning, and realized that out of the last five guys I've hooked up with, I've only really liked one of them. Not that the others were unlikable, but I didn't know enough about them to form an opinion.

I must admit there's something hot about picking up someone just because you can. But, honestly, it'd be hotter if it had some greater context. I think the hottest sex I've ever had was old-fashioned. It happens when I've dated someone for awhile (or at least been interested in them for some time) and we finally do it. And I mean do "it" because it feels just like junior high again. Like it's the first time and it's about to change your day.

I guess I'm good at holding out for who I want, but not so good for what I want.

Truth About: Timing

First in a series featuring the Sometimes Painful Truth^TM.

Timing is everything and sometimes the right things happen at the wrong time. Or, more often than not, the wrong things pop up at the right time. I've three present variants of the aforementioned.

First, we have The Short One, who I dated for about five months soon after moving to Colorado. He says five months, but I honestly remember precious little about him or our relationship. Precious little. Six years later, he's back in my email box with a poignant message that declares me the perfect person for him. Then, he reveals that I was the first guy that he dated. Normally, this type of confession and flattery would inspire a drooly hard-on from me, but his affect is lackluster. I just came to the conclusion that I'll never date anyone that doesn't make me sparkle just a bit down on the inside. I say he's late. My mother would say he's soon. You'd have to know a black woman to fully understand what it means when a man is called "soon". Bless him anyway.

Next, we have Original Twenty-something. He's never really gone away, but more recently is claiming an increased portion of my time and energy. I can't say it's good energy because his untreated ailments are taxing the most solid of friendships. I love him dearly, even in his mess, but I didn't make it to 36 (almost) to continue to push the mop. "He'd be perfect for me in five years" is something you can hear us both say in rather unbated breath. I'm five years late, he's five early. But it's not really going to happen, nor should it.

Last, there's The Boy Downstairs. Late. Late. Late. And LATE! If, seven years ago he was doing a quarter of the nice things he does now, I wouldn't have suffered nearly as much damage when he completely flaked out. That was all just a matter of time, me owning some of the blame, but I could have been spared a little insanity. So what's with our time spending now? Restoring a little bit of the friendship that existed before that searing mess of a one-sided relationship. I do know this is possible and healthy; and terminal. I won't move beyond this point. The timing is so off on this that it can never be corrected. Nor should it.

Why? Because there's The One that's always right on time. We just have it like that.

What's Really Going On

I know I should be posting more and I know I would probably be better for doing so. It's been an odd month, I hope mostly because I've been in Denver for about five weeks continuously. There's been new and old and late things. Big and small and great things.

Maybe, the best thing to do is bring back another 48 Hours Uncensored post. I wonder how many folks that epistle would make nervous. Count me in that number. Then again, you know, the truth will set you free.

On the other hand, not everything needs to be told.

Sunday Anthems

How could I forget the A & B selections!?

Listen for floor lifters, like "Make It Better" from Rain People feat. Alex Mills and "Hope (In Your Soul) by Darren Glen feat. Kelli Howell. But don't stop until you lift your hands to the new Ann Nesby (DJ Spen & The Muthafunkaz feat.) "It's So Easy." I can't tell you how well this fits for the last three days.

Go ahead, shake your 'do loose.

Now Hear This : Master V - First Sunday of May

Giving

Every day has a Word. Make sure you use it!

For those of you who actually know me, it will not be a surprise when I tell you that I ended up preaching this thought in my car last night. I am that way. Sometimes, word just has to be to let loose. Here's my text, offered for our mutual edification:

1) I believe that the reason gay men and women folk are out of alignment with one another is because we often find ourselves out of alignment with our selves, and also with God or any sense of higher being. This is a pretty basic and ecumenical concept. I cannot express love (or regard) for you, unless I'm open to the love that surrounds me as provided by the divine. Some might call this the ability to "bear witness to the beauty or goodness of all beings." In either expression, it is true that I cannot pass that love on if I do not have love (or regard) for myself.

2) Together, we bear responsibility for and solution to this state of lovelessness or, as some say, fallen grace. I declare that it's not a state of evil, nor the work of demons, but the over reaching remnant of self preservation in a rather dark and icy world. When is the last time you heard a sister or brother in the life praise the assets of the community? When have you heard someone give testimony to the riches of our households or faithfulness? No. This does not happen. We open our mouths to expose ugly things, as to build a flimsy wall of protection that assure that others see my lot in life to be little higher than "her mess."

3) How do we fix this? How do we outwardly reveal our natural gifts? We must give a sacrifice of ourselves to one another. Not an offering, but a full on sacrifice. An offering is too simple for this task. For an offering is simply a tomato off of your vine. You keep the vine and will have more fruit for years, while the receiver will have a full mouth for just a moment. It lacks the complexity of investing into one another. A sacrifice is when you give to the point of material loss so that the receiver will be nourished by your gift for generations. You give the whole vine so that your neighbor will be fed for many seasons, just as you expect the same for yourself.

4) So you ask, what vine must I give? In the Old Testament, there's a lot of talk about giving a sacrifice of praise. David did this so well, he danced naked in front of strangers to the point that he wife called him "common." We couldn't particularly regain his dignity in the eyes of those folk. He set aside his pride to lift up his god. Think on this, now. Have you ever done this for your neighbor? Spoke so highly of them to the point that you might be considered foolish in the eyes of your so-called friends? Maybe said something so good about someone so unpopular? This is an example of praise sacrifice.

5) In our modern age, we suffer from perceiving time as a finite resource. In the midst of our PDAs and time savers, we loose time faster than it seems we can earn it. Yet, as no minute is promised, and time is indeed a passing resource. We're all so busy! Giving the right hour of yourself to someone might lift them for years to come. An hour of listening at the right time, or painting a wall in their home, or admiring the setting sun with another can make a difference you may never fully realize.

6) As I close, I want you to know that speaking to and recognizing one another with a friendly glance and smile is a sacrifice of dignity, when so many others will look away and pretend their own kind are invisible. Black folk know this well. We're taught, even in the least comfortable circumstances, to "speak" to one another if for no other reason that Mr. Charlie won't express this gesture of basic dignity. It's about respecting the humanity of the other. Some call this sacrafice "namaste". Dignity is a powerful sacrifice, because it surely evokes a loving spirit somewhere.

So, I say be faithful with one another. Give to each other that which cannot be returned. Recognize the bounty of yourself and share it with abandon. This is love and this is the true heart of our community.

Hmmm.. Mmm. Mmmmmnnnn!

Yeeeeeh yeah yeaaaah... Oh lawdaaaay.

Sometimes you just have to moan sometimes.

Because the words will make too many mistakes.