FUCKed by New Blogger

Well, I worked an hour and a huge new update for y'all. Then I hit the wrong thing, and the new Blogger swallowed it up. That make-believe "recover post" function only returned the first two lines of the post. This is why I don't use their shitty website.

And I wouldn't be if anyone has yet to figure out how to get w.bloggar to work with this new version, especially the post-title tag problem. Maybe you know of a better client (not host) overall. I wouldn't be using this web shit if they had been on top of their help forums. Please send help.

Ugh. I'm not re-writing what I had (it covered work, anger, Denver, gays, politics, my dog). It must be for the good. Seriously though, I need two things: a new client and a re-design.

Loving Yourself

It's been a not so pleasant state-of-mind kind of day.

I'm thinking. Why am I sometimes lead to love people who yet do not love themselves?

It's impossible and unchanging. And it feels like a gullible trap that repeats itself until it's built a comfortable familiarity that breeds discontent and leaves me feeling bad about myself and who I am, fully knowing that this mistreatment is really just a symptom of someone else's problem.

But, I'm human, and before the cognative and rhetorical processes kick in, I frown and cry and feel naked before the creator. If I'm greater than, why don't I feel greater than?

Now Hear This : Lionel Hampton & Oscar Peterson - Tenderly

Eh.

Don't even think for a minute that anything has really changed. We are who we've always been.

It is up to the other person to decide how they will deal with the truth about you.

-From my December 2004 post Fresh Wisdom

Burning Shame

This will be short, and likely understated.

I spent St. Patrick's Day in Philadelphia (more on that later). That night, I joined the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence in bar ministry. We whore white t-shirts, the Sisters in habit, and invited bar folk to write words that they've been told that lead them to feel guilt and/or shame. We burned those words in ritual so that they would be cast out, and remain powerless over those people forever more.

It was beautiful. Gay folk refusing to allow shame to hold power in their lives any longer. I hope that this small act also inspired a few to stop using those tactics amongst one another.

Shame, guilt, and it's ugly cousins have no good place amongst friends.

(There's a full story here)

Priorities

This has become the theme of the year.

What is first? Which is more important?

My goal is to manage time in accordance to my priorities. Not time as it relates to the accomplishment of task, but rather as a measure of how I invest myself.

Who
What
Where
When

I want them all to be ordained. This will honor my true self, while casting due shadows on those people, things, and situations that have become out of order.

Some things should simply be higher than the next. I believe in purposeful investment. I need to manifest this more in my life. This, for me, is a part of that fabled gay adulthood. Not everything fresh and new needs to make the top of my list.

I predict that this will be the source of much joy, irritation, and anxiety for the next couple of months. I accept this as part of the critical path to goodness in the new year.