Is Gay Sex Racist?
Myth: Saying "No blacks" or "No GAMs" or "No GWMs" in my profile is just letting people know what I want. It's being honest and it saves them from having to face rejection.
These nice guys have an interesting dialogue on the website linked above. I'm not sure that I agree with every point raised on their site, but I recommend it as a place to visit, and a conversation we should have with our friends.
I wonder though, why is it acceptable and fairly de rigueur for guys to write "Whites only" in gay personals ads? Why is this brushed off as preference and not racism? How can a gay man have Latino friends, but never consider dating one? You can imagine the number of men who have told me they weren't racist right after they said, "I'm not into Black guys." How is it that gay men are able to disconnect themselves from prejudice when it comes to sex? Maybe there's something to be said at the safety of keeping others at an arm's length away.
As a youngster in a new community, I had white playmates who told me that it was okay that we were friends in private, but they couldn't be my friend in public because, well, what would other people think? The modern parallel are guys who love to have sex with Black men (even fetish the experience) but would never date us. There's a sort of psycho-social separate but equal thing going on in our community. What's your attitude and opinion?
posted by Scott at
9:52 PM
8 Comments:
I agree with you on that; you'd think as gay men who have already been discriminated against because of sexuality, race would somehow not be an issue. Maybe some things never change; who knows? I'm still of the belief that love has no color and good sex is good sex regardless of race.
By
Karsh, at 10/03/2005 11:53 AM
I've sometimes wondered about this myself. However, I feel there has to be more than good ole American-fried racism at play here, especially since the problem doesn't seem to be as prevalent in the lesbian community. I recommend taking a look at Dwight McBride's "Why I Hate Abercrombie and Fitch". It offers some interesting answers.
By
Geoff, at 10/08/2005 10:04 AM
Help me out with this, because I am in a quandary. I find it hard to believe that I might be racist. I don't mean to raise the old chestnut that 'some of my best friends are black,' but all my closest friends--men and women--have been black since I can remember.
At the same time, I find it impossible to lie to myself. I am not physically attracted to black men. Which sucks, because some of the best, highest-class guys I know are black and interested, but I just can't picture ever being intimate with them. Which is not to say that I haven't tried it. I've given it more than a fair chance, but one of two things must be true:
first possibilty: I am subconsciously racist. This is difficult to accept, since color has never stopped me in any arena other than the romantic one.
second possibility: there really is a matter of inextricable personal taste involved. Just as some men are attracted to men with slender waists and others to bulky weightlifters.
Both possibilities are disturbing. I would like to think that I would be able to fall for the right man, no matter what his appearance. Well, as long as he doesn't have mange. That's a fair criterion, right? But it seems that whatever predisposition I have has winnowed the already scarce field of eligible, thinking, healthy-minded men down by at least half.
Now I would never say, "Blacks need not apply," just as I would never say, "ages 25-35 only, please." But it just never clicks. Every time I give it a shot, sparks fail to fly, and I end up feeling guilty for not being attracted to an otherwise great guy.
I reading over this post, I see that it comes across as whiny and brain-damaged. Oh well. I really am interested in a dialogue on the topic. Especially since you are clearly one of the sharper bloggers I have run across.
By
Brandon, at 10/20/2005 11:33 PM
I only date men. Does that make me a sexist? Does anyone suggest I try to overcome my lack of attraction to women?
-Robert
By
Anonymous, at 11/04/2005 4:03 PM
I only think it's necessary if you find yourself defensive or uncomfortable. Unlike gender preference, I believe race preference is steeped into some personal history. Because skin color in our society is more than an aethetic.
By
Scott, at 11/05/2005 3:32 PM
I can't believe I'm reading this now. I am in a Gay Male Relationships class in the LGBT studies department at my community college. Last night's class was dealing with cross-cultural relationships. Our teacher was saying that if you say you will only date one race (different from your own) that was fetishizing which is bad, but if you say you don't want to date a certain race or ethnicity that was just a preference. Of course I disagreed. I was verbally attacked by most of the class. Thanks for posting this. I thought I was losing my mind!
By
woody, at 3/18/2008 11:59 PM
I only date men. Does that make me a sexist? Does anyone suggest I try to overcome my lack of attraction to women?
-Robert
Correction, you only date SOME men. Nice try on this flawed comparison, but all you do is reinforce the speciousness of any biological homosexuality theory. Why say that? Because you seem like the type who would argue with a sign post about how you were "born gay". What sense could such a statement even make when one's "preferences are so "particular". Saying that you are "gay" or "same-sex attracted" would make no sense in this context. I guess now we will have a movement of white gay men arguing about how they have a Caucasian, blond, hair blue eyes, masculine and fit body orientation that forces them to only be able to fall in love with that type. From an evolutionary perspective, the idea that there would be something that keep some men and women from being interested in the other sex has more plausibility than something that would prevent attraction to people of a certain color.
By
Brandon, at 6/04/2009 8:33 PM
WOW finally someone stated out loud what I've been feeling since I was 19. I'm multi-cultural in background but my skin tone is of a black man. I listen to all types of music. Am well read but the first thing a white guy sees is my skin tone. I don't talk ghetto in every day life. But I can hang in the hood if it calls for it. The most insulting thing ever said to me was " I don't do chocolate I'm diabetic" My response being quick on my feet was that's ok I'm sugar free. But enjoy that bland palette of yours.
By
Anonymous, at 6/20/2009 6:28 AM
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